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  Down and Out in the Virtual Magic Kingdom  
 
 
Posted 2005-05-25 by Tony Walsh
 
 
     
 
Disney's horrendous Virtual Magic Kingdom is now accepting visitors in "Sneak Preview Beta" mode. The web-based online multiuser environment mimics the real theme park, except with more shopping and less human misery.

Because the Disney experience is supposed to be kid friendly, interpersonal communication is limited to a pre-approved vocabulary, so words such as "rebellion," "love," "obey," and "usurp" are just not allowed. In the interest of making the Virtual Magic Kingdom a more believable place, I've compiled a list of handy phrases that get past the sanitization filter:

Trust nobody.
Hats are not allowed.
I hate everyone.
I hurt people.
Give me your money.
The end is near.
Take no prisoners.
I hurt my face.
This ride is bad.
Death is the answer.
Fear is your friend.
Nothing is as it seems.
I like to hug boys.
Will you sit on my knees?
We can lie down together in bed, can't we?
Boys are cute.
I enjoy unhappy people.
I make the rules around here.
I showed Cinderella my big sword.
Grab my long staff and pull.
Lean over and I'll hit your bottom.
Hug my magic lantern and you'll win a prize!
I worked here for a long time without benefits.
Bow to your leader!
I will eat your brains.
It's only fun and games when someone loses an eye.
Girls are soft.
I will curse you all, I promise.
I will gather followers and start my own army.
I could be your robot. Would you like to push my buttons?
Follow me, minions, I am your master!
I'm taking Disney to court.
Am I the master beta?
Everything around here smells bad.
My hand was crushed under a roller.
My foot got stuck between boats on this ride, and was badly hurt.
I live in a white room.
Who here wants to get it on?
Anyone else here like animals?
 
     
 
   
 
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Comment posted by Tony Walsh
June 2, 2005 @ 8:14 am
     
 
Reader Niki notes that "bring out your dead" also cuts through the filter. Which is good, considering the astounding mortality rates in the VMK.
 
     
 
     
   
 
 
     
 
     
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Dinozoiks wrote:
Wow! Thanks for that Tony. Just posted a bunch of other tips here... http://www.dino.co.uk/labs/2008/45-tips-when-designing-online-content-for-kids/ Hope it helps someone... Dino...
in Dino Burbidge's '10 Things To Remember When Designing For Kids Online'


yes, many of the free little games are crappy. but as an artist who has recently published free content on the itunes app store,…
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I vote for popup radial menus. Highlight a bit of text, the push and hold, Sims-style radial menu pops up with Copy, Paste, etc....
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Hey Tony! A client of mine is looking to hire an internal Flash game dev team to build at a really cool Flash CCG…
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Yeah, there's a lot of weird common sense things I've noticed they've just omitted from the design. No idea why though....
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It also bears noting there's no mechanism right now for a developer to offer a free trial for the iPhone; the App Store isn't…
in Free iPhone Games Are Awful: Strategy?


@GeorgeR: It's on my shopping list :) I've heard good things about it as well. And Cro Mag Rally. @andrhia: meh, I don't know…
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...you get what you pay for, you know? I actually bought Trism based on early buzz, and it's truly a novel mechanic. I've been…
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The only one I've heard good things about is Super Monkey Ball. Have you given that a whirl yet?...
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Advance warning: this frivolent comment is NOT RELATED or even worth your time ... But whenever i hear "Collada", i think of that SCTV…
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