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  Nintendo DS Launches Like a Brick  
Posted 2004-11-22 by Tony Walsh
Like a brick launched from a rail-gun, the Nintendo DS handheld game console is making shockwaves across the consumer landscape. Personally, I'm standing by my pre-launch supposition that the DS is pure idiocy in action--technology for technology's sake, and the manifestation of Nintendo's desperate attempt to get something new on the market for the holidays.

Electronics-vendor Lik Sang has cracked open one of their much-coveted DS boxes, and provides a rundown of their impressions as well as product-shots.

Based on what I've read at Lik Sang, and elsewhere, here are my impressions...

It's a brick. I don't care if it has two screens. The thing is bigger than my frikkin' Palm Pilot.

It looks like crap. Yeah, I know we're shooting for a 1980s AM radio look--I hear the kids are all into that retro vibe. Either that or they're just happy to have a new Game Boy. The DS is clunky and boxy, but not in the super-streamlined Altoids-tin style of a Game Boy Advance SP or an iPod. This thing has extra angles. You know, `cause things with numerous bevelled edges feel good in your hands.

It has a stylus. We can control video games with the stylus. But who'd want to? You'd be obscuring one of the screens with your big sweaty hand, so what's the point of having two screens at all? Why not just one screen and an input area. Oh, I remember: they did it because they could, not because it made sense. And then there's the whole "I lost my stylus" thing. Because you are going to lose it. And then you are going to lose it again. And then you are going to lose it again. Or, if you're not going to lose it repeatedly, you are going to misplace it when you need it most.

You have to tie a string to your thumb. What the fuck?? A string? To your thumb!?! The string is attached to the back of the DS, then fitted over your thumb--the idea here seems to be that there is some sort of finger condom on the end of it that prevents your filthy paws from ruining the screen. How about not having a touch-screen at all? That might be a better solution. Previous Game Boy units were terrific because they were instantly-playable. Now you have to tie a string to your thumb. On a subway. While people are looking.

In conclusion, I will try very, very hard not to buy one. It really does look like crap.
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Comment posted by Titus
November 22, 2004 @ 7:35 pm
Tony, just so you know: while I may come here for the sex, I stay for the hilariously astute reviews.
Comment posted by Tony Walsh
November 22, 2004 @ 10:24 pm
I live to serve. I mean service.
Comment posted by Tony Walsh
November 25, 2004 @ 10:52 am
Guardian Unlimited Gamesblog:

"First and foremost, I couldn't believe how big the thing was. Think GameBoy Advance SP with wings. It's huge and weighty and looks remarkably like a makeup case. It has space for GameBoy Advance cartridges and the newfangled DS mini-karts (which look an awful lot like sim cards), and a well-camouflaged stylus. With two screens, shoulder buttons and the traditional controls, you can imagine what kind of beast we're talking about here."
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